To be a good manager, you’re going to need emotional intelligence

As managers, we can get caught up in everything that’s expected of us on paper. Our success is often measured by quarterly figures and team output, so we do what we can to ensure numbers stay high and deadlines are met. We become so focused on the hard skills (what we do) that we neglect the soft skills (how we do it). That’s why it’s so important to inject a dose of emotional intelligence into the way we manage people.

Psychology Today defines emotional intelligence (or EQ) as “the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others”. An emotionally intelligent manager taps into their personal feelings to understand and resonate with people, while not letting these feelings override their good judgement. They’re able to regulate their emotions, handling sensitive situations without losing their cool.

Why is emotional intelligence important for managers?

‘People don’t leave companies, they leave managers’ is a saying that gets thrown around a lot on too-long LinkedIn posts, but it holds water. Think about it: even if you personally haven’t left a job because of a poor relationship with your manager, you can bet you know someone who has. The type of manager who berates an employee for a mistake or laughs at their request for time off is not likely to be flocked by loyal subordinates for long. 

Emotional intelligence is not just about being ‘nice’ to your team, though. Managers with a high EQ have a way of reading the room and sensing their employees’ needs before they have to ask. They treat them not as mere workers, but as human beings with lives outside the four walls of the office.

This is good news for the company too, as happier workers usually mean a lower rate of turnover. In the wake of the Great Resignation, employees are still itching to leave their jobs, with a recent survey by Microsoft and LinkedIn showing that almost half (46%) of respondents want to quit within the next year. If managers can do their part to create a safer environment with open lines of communication, they’re more likely to retain staff.

“Effective communication is a hallmark of emotionally intelligent leadership,” notes behaviour change specialist Caoilfhionn Buckley. Barking orders at someone makes them less likely to come to you if they have an issue or are confused about a particular item on their to-do list. This leads to mistakes and wasted time on a project that would have been better executed if the manager took the time to explain it properly and let colleagues know the door was open for follow-up questions.

Finally, a strong EQ means you create a positive role model for younger employees. When you’re just starting out with your first ‘grown-up job’, you’re like a sponge and more inclined to emulate a management style because you think that’s what leaders are supposed to be like. When you have an emotionally intelligent mentor who encourages their team rather than belittles them, you’re more likely to become an empathetic leader yourself.

How managers can boost their emotional intelligence

Feel like your management skills could benefit from a little EQ? Caoilfhionn has some tips for how to incorporate emotionally intelligent traits into your leadership style.

Take time to reflect

The first step is to recognise your limitations. Where are your blind spots? “For instance, reflect on your meetings, projects and interactions daily to identify what went well and areas for improvement,” suggests Caoilfhionn.

Analysing your flaws is one thing, but hearing them is another. You might be too hard on yourself (or possibly not hard enough), so it’s always good to get an objective opinion. An anonymous suggestion box is an option, but many companies opt for 360-degree reviews.

Become an active listener

Listening is more than just being quiet. You need to make a conscious effort to take in what the speaker is saying. This means no looking at your phone and no checking emails at the same time – you must avoid the myth of multitasking. 

You could also “show engagement by paraphrasing the speaker’s points and reflecting on their message. This demonstrates that you are listening and helps clarify understanding,” says Caoilfhionn.

Increase your discomfort tolerance

“If you don’t feel able to handle your emotions, you’re likely to want to stick to your comfort zone and may find yourself saying things like ‘I can’t bear’ or ‘I can’t handle’.” Sound familiar? 

Caoilfhionn advises managers who feel this way to work on their discomfort tolerance. “The more you tell yourself you can handle it and the better you get at tolerating uncomfortable feelings, the less anxiety, fear and worry you will create.”

Remember: you’re not just managing projects, you’re managing people. And if you learn to manage your own emotions, you’ll be much better at managing your team’s.

Great management starts with good communication. Hone your communication skills with an expert masterclass from Camilla Long.