The Single Cynic: So many dating apps, so few actual dates

Are you bumbling along, keeping her lit on Tinder, hanging out on Hinge? Maybe you’re shining on Raya, doing the rounds of the Inner Circle, or playing the Feeld? Perhaps it’s Finally Happn-ing for you on Badoo, Match or OkCupid, or do they keep getting away on Plenty of Fish, leaving you stuck in the Muddy Matches?

It’s taken years, but life on the most popular dating apps has finally evolved in the last while. Only a tiny bit, mind. And only so they can make more money out of us. On the biggest – Tinder and Bumble – you can now pay to send a witty one liner or a ‘compliment’. However, this probably means women are essentially getting spammed a lot. I doubt that feels like a positive development to most of them.

Then again, if swiping right isn’t working, perhaps we stand more chance with wit and wordplay?

I wonder if certain countries embrace these features more than others. Many Irish people like to think they’re witty and have a way with words. But, undoubtedly, as with the usual way these apps work, the beautiful people are getting hundreds of messages while us ordinary-looking folks will be getting a lot less.

As happens so often with markets dominated by a few giants, perhaps start-ups will continue to innovate with more edgy dating app features, making the incumbents take notice.

In the UK, the app Thursday is all about encouraging people to meet on that day of the week. Meanwhile, Snack is video-based and involves creating an avatar that somehow initially interacts with potential dates in a sort of screening process. Clearly, it’s aimed at super-attractive twenty-somethings in the TikTok generation who live on their phones.

Compare that to the fact that only last year did Bumble begin highlighting the interests you had in common with someone. They also had a speed dating feature for a while, but then killed it off late last year. Twice a week you got the chance to randomly chat for three minutes with someone else who had signed up to take part. When you logged on, you waited while a spinning wheel did its rounds (reminding me of RTÉ’s Winning Streak and Apple’s ‘wheel of death’ all in one) and then you matched with someone.

Most of the time was inevitably taken up with asking people the basics: age, where they were from, what they did for a living, and whether they had kids. The clever participants copied and pasted that at the start though. A rare few of my fellow chatters had a good line in humour, irony and self-deprecation, which encouraged you to up your game and try and match it. Mostly, though, it felt like going through the motions.

After the three minutes were up, you swiped left or right and if you both swiped right, you got to continue the chat as with any other match. I matched with a few people, but they never led to any dates.

Anything that increases the rate of interaction with a certain serendipity factor is surely a no-brainer, so it’s surprising that Bumble ditched the feature and that no other apps introduced anything similar.

I’ve tried the option of paying to send messages a few times on Bumble, and it led to two lunch dates last summer, but they haven’t proceeded any further. Perhaps it’s time to take my chances offline and back into the real world instead.

Are you struggling to navigate the world of online dating? Check out our masterclass with cyberpsychologist Dr Nicola Fox Hamilton to find out how it all works.