The Accidental Columnist: Uprooting queerphobia means eliminating misogyny

Lady Gaga once said “behind every female icon is a gay man”. Liza Minnelli remarked that her stardom among gay fans relates to their “impeccable taste”. Even more recently, rising star Chappell Roan explained her surging online search trends with “this random twink that works at Google”.

Each of these instances, among others, chart the long-standing relationship between women pop stars and queer – particularly gay – allyship. Take a look at any world-famous woman pop artist and you will find a legion of gay men willing to go over a cliff to call her ‘mother’.

This bond seems to befuddle interviewers and media folk alike – inevitably leading to a line of questioning that’s essentially, ‘Why do gays love you so much?’

Often overlooked in the explanation of this bond is the shared system of misogyny that gay men and women suffer under. Seldomly are homophobic views sustained on a hatred for gayness itself, but rather on the subjugation of ‘man-ness’. Being a man means that you like women. By extension, liking men means that you cannot be a man. Instead, you are a woman and that is less than.

In my experience of homophobic harassment, it has rarely been a direct act of gayness that has infuriated homophobes the most. The times where I have subverted gender norms have been the times that I have found myself most at risk.

With this shared experience of misogyny, one would expect gay men themselves to be champions of anti-misogyny and anti-sexist work. This can be far from the case. Even in the case of pop fandom, there can be a quick turn in the support gay men show women in the sphere. Oftentimes, this switch following misogynistic scripts.

Let’s take Christina Aguilera for example. Christina is celebrated for her support of gay men including the representation of two men kissing and trans characters in her music video for Beautiful. This, so early in her career, cemented her as a mainstay among gay pop fans. Her performance in Burlesque and strong hyperfemme imagery in work such as Dirty, too, added to this base of gay support.

But in recent years the support for Christina has waned. Then, all of a sudden, in the last couple of months, we’ve seen gay men cry out ‘mother’ for Christina once again. What has changed? The perception of Christina’s body as being the feminine prototype through weight loss. Suddenly, with Christina following gender normative scripts, the detractors come flooding back.

What we all stand to gain from being better anti-misogynist allies goes far beyond creating a safer space for pop stars’ bodies. Think about the recent assault case brought by Natasha O’Brien. Natasha, after stepping in to call on a perpetrator to stop using homophobic slurs, was attacked and left unconscious. Injuries including a “broken nose, severe swelling and bruising on both arms” ultimately led to a suspended sentence to spare the impact on her assailant’s future career prospects. Natasha stood up to homophobia only for misogyny to prevail, injure her, and rob her of justice.

So, I think of Gaga’s quote that “behind every female icon is a gay man” and I disagree. Instead, I say behind every successful gay man is a village of supportive women. I have lived and benefited from it. With Pride in mind, too, I say behind queer liberation is a world free from misogyny; and gay men especially should be mindful of their role in uprooting misogyny and refusing to participate in it.

We all need good allies, and dara & co’s free masterclass on coming out includes advice on how to support someone exploring their sexual orientation or gender identity.