The Accidental Columnist: Sometimes you have to let the right one go if it’s the wrong time

One September day in 2020, I walked to Phoenix Park to take advantage of one of the few places we could gather under COVID restrictions. I spotted some shade next to the Wellington Monument and headed that way for some alone time.

On my path there, a guy sitting down in a grey-blue bandana caught my eye. He was all smiley and seemingly having a good time. I took stock of him but kept moving.

Before I left, I made sure to walk by him again. I guess it was my cowardly attempt to get his attention; my way of inviting him in with some plausible deniability that I wasn’t chasing it myself. Delusion.

A few hours later, he found me and messaged me. We chatted about what we were doing and I tried to stay aloof. So aloof in fact, that I waited until my fourth message to suggest we meet up (I’ve never been very good at poker).

I kept telling myself that nothing would come of it. I thought we’d meet up, get to know each other a bit and that would be that. “It’s a COVID summer, anything that gets you out of the house is good,” I thought.

I met him for a walk around St Stephen’s Green a few weeks later. Suddenly, this date that I thought would be a nice way to pass the time turned into something else. As he spoke I remember thinking: “I want to hear more. Keep talking. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone so impressive.”

I made it my mission to keep talking – yapping – so that he wouldn’t have a chance to leave. We went on to kiss and hold hands walking through Dublin Castle. I remember the way he looked at me felt like the world was on pause – like his big blue eyes couldn't take enough of me in. He’d look at me like he couldn’t believe I was real. He had me hook, line, and sinker.

We dated for a couple months but it wasn’t the right time. Life happened. Eventually, we amicably parted ways. It was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do.

While it was the right decision for us, he became my ‘one that got away’. The feeling I had with him was never replicated; no matter how hard I looked for it.

Years passed. Both of our lives moved on. Different people, different hobbies, even different countries. I progressed my career and took on things I’d never imagined. I went on dates and, eventually, the person I was when I walked through Phoenix Park that day was long behind me.

That’s when serendipity hit. In June 2023, we ran into each other and everything was on pause once more.

Everything he told me impressed me to no end. Something was different, though. I had done a lot, too. And I was proud of my achievements. I understood that my life was not less without someone in it. My life is ultimately mine to build, though someone could certainly add to it – and he does.

So he’s not the one that got away anymore. Not just because he’s my boyfriend now, but also because, long before he became that, I had let go of that idea. Perhaps it’s no coincidence that we didn’t find each other again until that happened.

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