Personal Best: Downward dog is actually good for you – who knew?

I reckon I was in my mid-twenties when I started making funny noises sitting down or standing up. A decade later, my bones would sound like squeaky floorboards on a ship – with the occasional crack of lightning to boot. Now that I’m approaching the ripe old age of thirty-twenty, I think it is about time I did something about it. I mean, sometimes I have to even hold my breath to bend over and tie my laces.

Eyes, ears and concen-something are all beginning to fail too – not massively, but noticeably. I’ll do what I can about these next but in the meantime, it is the aches and pains of general wear and tear that I want sorted first.

I’ve led a reasonably sporty life. By which I mean I’ll generously give myself 4 out of 10 for effort. Some rugby over the years, quite a lot of squash in late teens, golf more recently, and I got into running for a while. A couple of years ago, I embraced the need for some instruction and got myself a PT who beasts me once a week – and I have got to say, much to my surprise, that I love it.

Like you, dear reader, I have been through the cycle of joining the gym, embracing going, buying some decent new kit, expecting colossal changes and then slowly losing interest only to repeat the cycle when triggered, by birthdays, New Year’s, booking a summer holiday or the kids pointing out that I look like Jabba the Hutt. This year though, what with The Day We Shall Not Mention coming, I have ventured into something new: yoga.

My kids think it is hilarious. They can’t figure out what I’m up to or why. However, one month into this and about 10 sessions done, I’m now subscribed to what is looking likely to be my next big obsession.

I’m not what you would call a typical yoga student. I’m not vegan, I’m not lithe, I’m really clumsy, I’m not flexible, I’m not patient and I’m not particularly interested in the spiritual side of it. I thought it was all nonsense and, really, how hard can it be just standing in a funny pose? I can do that in the pub.

Of course, I’ve been schooled and have learned that yoga is surprisingly difficult. My balance is off and my posture has been slouched for years, but the thing that strikes me the most is that even though I can happily deadlift twice my bodyweight, I cannot hold my weight in yoga poses. A little bit of me dies every time I hear the instruction ‘downward dog’ (hands and feet to the floor with bum raised in the air, for the uninitiated). But I’m getting stronger, and I can feel my body getting in shape – only slightly, but it is definitely happening.

There are lots of different kinds of yoga. I haven’t quite figured out what they all mean yet, but power yoga is hard, like bootcamp-hard, deriving its roots from ashtanga yoga. In these sessions, you perform yoga postures at a much quicker and more active pace. It works to tone the muscles and also enhances flexibility. Or, put in my language, it fucks your arms up pretty quickly.

Yin yoga is a mix of martial arts and yoga. This form increases blood circulation in the joints and improves flexibility and muscle tone. Postures last for at least a minute and, through practice, you can hold the same pose for five minutes or more. Yeah, or the kind of exercise that sends you into a confused sweaty mess at the end. Not ninja school.

There are plenty of others, none of which are quite what I was expecting.

An hour’s practice in a class leaves me feeling nicely supple for the rest of the day. I’m calmer throughout the day and I’m sleeping so much better than before. It’s also helping with the gym and the weekly beasting as my body just feels more ready to take on that session’s torture, and I’ve found myself not only looking forward to sessions but actively promoting the activity (I do think, in part, to convince myself).

I’ve shed a few pounds and I can now touch my toes. Palms to the floor feels like a long way off but still, small steps.

As part of my journey towards hitting [redacted] as healthy and strong as possible, I’m rather pleased with myself for doing this and am quite amused that Monday morning at 7.30 is my new favourite time of the week, getting an hour’s session at the studio and watching the world come to life whilst I try to contort my body into something new.

I wonder if it will help me kick the Double Decker habit.

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