Is remote work ruining your relationship with your colleagues?

“You don’t gotta go to work, but you gotta put in work.” Little did we know when Fifth Harmony released their 2016 smash hit, Work From Home, that they would become the harbingers of the remote work revolution.

According to the 2022 census, almost 750,000 people worked from home at least one day a week – that’s almost one-third of workers in Ireland. Though there has been a shift in favour to a hybrid model, remote working remains popular in Ireland, as seen with the recent introduction of the legal right to request it.

I started a job in late 2020, at the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, with every intention of going to the office once it was safe to do so. I was eager to ditch my childhood-bedroom-turned-home-office and make this ‘online’ job feel more real, not just something I conjured up in a lockdown haze.

And then, when I got in there, it felt like my brain was in sensory overload. I found it hard to tune out people’s conversations and stay focused on my work. On the days I was in the office, I put fewer tasks on my to-do list because I knew I wouldn’t get to them all. In the end, I decided to crawl back into my cosy WFH cave.

The barriers to connecting remotely

While I love working from home, there’s no denying the negative effects it can have on your colleague relationships. The biggest, most obvious factor being the lack of face-to-face time.

And let’s not forget there’s a certain camaraderie that comes with working in the trenches alongside your favourite co-workers. A lot of my closest friends are people I’ve served tables with or swivelled my office chair over to for a vent. Plenty of lasting bonds were forged over a 5pm after-work pint that turned into a 9pm pizza.

As pointed out in The Conversation, with remote work “there is less opportunity to build the well-rounded relationships that come from frequent, less structured personal interactions”. Simply put: it’s hard to schedule fun. When you rope in colleagues for a social activity over Zoom or even an in-person event, there’s more pressure on people to bond, which is a lot less organic than peeping over the top of your laptop screen and asking someone if they want to grab a coffee.

Another thing to consider is the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ issue. If you work remotely and your colleagues don’t, you might fear that they will be favoured over you. And while we all strive to be professional, people are still people, so it is likely that a manager might form a closer bond with someone they see on a regular basis. (This form of FOMO is so relatable that it became a plot-point in Friends, when Rachel takes up smoking to join the intimate conversations her co-worker has with her boss.)

Visibility can be very important for some managers. Psychologist Dr Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic explains: “Optics trump reality. When managers can see workers looking busy, they may experience a feeling of comfort, namely the warm illusion that their mere presence may have some magical motivational effect on their teams.” Sure, they can assume you’re working equally as hard at home but they don’t actually see you doing it. And if your boss is a micromanager, remote work will most definitely put a strain on your relationship.

Finally, there’s the stigma you might face from your in-office colleagues. ‘Oh, you work from home full-time? I could never!’ In their eyes, you’re not properly committing to the ‘rise and grind’ mentality because you’re not shivering on a fogged-up bus in an unironed shirt.

How to nurture your remote work relationships

Sure, remote work has its downsides but you don’t have to go running back to the office just yet. Take the opportunity to try harder to develop your colleague relationships. Remember: you don’t gotta go to work but you gotta put in work.

Schedule morning check-ins

Start your day on a good note. A five-minute check-in with your manager or direct report can set you up for the day, ensuring you are both in sync with your to-dos. You could also make it non-work-related, so it’s more like the quick chat you’d have with an in-office colleague about the new Netflix show you’re watching.

Become a mentor or mentee

A mentorship programme is a great way to connect two people working remotely. For mentees in particular, it’s a chance for them to have one-on-one time with executives and get an insight into how the company operates, which may help their promotion prospects down the line.

Add buffer time

The Harvard Business Review notes that the effort to make meetings more purposeful sometimes means the “pleasantries and social interactions have been squeezed out”. Moderators should add buffer time so attendees can settle into the conversation without having to rush straight to the point and feeling that only their work opinions are valued.

Pass the mic

If you’re always the one who speaks at a meeting or shares updates on Slack, ask someone else on your team to take every second turn. That way, people get more familiar with their face and are more likely to reach out directly, forming a new connection.

Share the love

Did your co-worker recently do a great job on a project? Tell them! Even though it’s expected of us to do the work we’re paid for, it’s always nice to get a little nod when we go the extra mile. Gift vouchers and bonuses are great, but something as small as a company-wide ‘thank you’ can make your colleague feel acknowledged.

Make your meet-ups hybrid

Social events that cater to all work models – in-office, hybrid and remote – will make you more mindful of different people’s needs overall. Take a working parent, for example. They might want to join the Thursday happy hour in the pub across from the office but they have no one to pick up their kid from school. Similarly, a person who lives far away from the office might have to decline as they can’t risk missing the last bus home. Suggesting a virtual happy hour might make these people feel more included. Yes, this may seem like a con at first to anyone who’s endured ‘forced fun’ work events, but get it right and you could create bond-boosting activities that people actually want to do.

Have better, more effective conversations with your colleagues with the help of our dara & co masterclass with communication expert Camilla Long.